hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
MIDGETS
????
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
