Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
