I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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