he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
