She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
