sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
