I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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