I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
