The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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