i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
