anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
