i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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