my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
