Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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