Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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