So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
