I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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