Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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