You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
