lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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