at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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