i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just high enough for therapy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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