i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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