I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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