I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My penis needs a shock collar
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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