My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
