I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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