It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize