Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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