well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
