i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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