we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
