I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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