Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
