walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
