everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize