And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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