R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize