Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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