New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i have two assholes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
