Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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