Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
