My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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