No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
