Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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