Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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