Apparently you make a good broom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
