are you so shy because you have an std?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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