you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
