i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
