I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
