Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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