oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
