Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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