bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
