Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
