I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
