i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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