Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
