Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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