i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I AM VODKA MAN
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
